Hobo With a Shotgun +
I'll try anything once. And as far as movies go, I'll give it a good 15 minutes before I get too critical.
It's a good thing I wait to judge these, because the acting in the first ten minutes was laughable at best. The complication, however, of the sister's sleep-walking episodes will be fun to see play out, regardless of how direct the writers are about dropping that one early.
I keep waiting to find out what mental illness Dottie suffers from.
At about half way I'm not convinced this is going to be a great movie. There are too many borrowed plot concepts that are haphazardly thrown together.
By about the point where the character Chis gets beat I've checked out. There is no way any of this is going to look real if that's how they do a beatup scene.
I highly doubt a legit hitman would want to get this many people involved. He's too sadistic to be an effective hitman. ...and yes, I just said that out loud and it still sounds effed up. Even for a movie review.
As we dive into the excessively explicit second half, and we hear the next twist, I almost jumped up to say "ya, this movie isn't going to suck!"
And with 15 minutes left in the movie, it all hits the fan! Homegirl got punched in the face, and they figured he meant business! Well, damn, it's finally getting good. This is the kind of tension that should be going through most of the movie, and not just the last 15 minutes.
End of the movie... What...the...hell!?!? This movie is screwed up. It left me half way between laughing at the lacking plot, and cringing at the sheer brutality of it.
Someone please explain this movie to me...
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
All is Lost
Castaway + Perfect Storm
I always enjoy looking for the title of a movie in the dialogue, and this one hits it right away in the opening monologue. Is that a good thing? probably not.
The viewer does start off the movie with a bunch of questions, so that keep us invested. I want to know what's inside! And how it got there!
The main character's expression also help tell most of the story, and plenty of close shots keeps up invested in his well-being.
I don't know a lot about sailboats, but I was under the impression that if you flip one over multiple times, it doesn't come back up; and certainly not devoid of water.
Overall, I feel like I was re-watching Castaway, or Open Water, without much of a back story. So I find myself rooting for a stranger simply because he (I assume) put himself in a scenario that pits him against nature.
The factor that does redeem an otherwise bland movie is the amazing imagery. The angles are fresh, and are a good mix of the 3rd person and the 1st person perspectives. It's just enough to perpetuate my irrational fear of the open ocean. If it wasn't shot so well I probably would have tuned out a lot sooner.
The story line reminds me of The Pit by Edgar Allan Poe, where just before the man takes his last step into the pit, he feels a hand reach out and grab him.
As for the ending... What ending? It was frustrating as hell. Who was this guy? Why did he get lost? Who saved him? Don't get me wrong, Redford did a great job with the script he had, I'm just not very impressed by the lack of story line.
I always enjoy looking for the title of a movie in the dialogue, and this one hits it right away in the opening monologue. Is that a good thing? probably not.
The viewer does start off the movie with a bunch of questions, so that keep us invested. I want to know what's inside! And how it got there!
The main character's expression also help tell most of the story, and plenty of close shots keeps up invested in his well-being.
I don't know a lot about sailboats, but I was under the impression that if you flip one over multiple times, it doesn't come back up; and certainly not devoid of water.
Overall, I feel like I was re-watching Castaway, or Open Water, without much of a back story. So I find myself rooting for a stranger simply because he (I assume) put himself in a scenario that pits him against nature.
The factor that does redeem an otherwise bland movie is the amazing imagery. The angles are fresh, and are a good mix of the 3rd person and the 1st person perspectives. It's just enough to perpetuate my irrational fear of the open ocean. If it wasn't shot so well I probably would have tuned out a lot sooner.
The story line reminds me of The Pit by Edgar Allan Poe, where just before the man takes his last step into the pit, he feels a hand reach out and grab him.
As for the ending... What ending? It was frustrating as hell. Who was this guy? Why did he get lost? Who saved him? Don't get me wrong, Redford did a great job with the script he had, I'm just not very impressed by the lack of story line.
Monday, April 7, 2014
Train
The Devil's Pass + Polar Express
From the very start this movie has a great creepy feel to it; and has solid, acceptable foreshadowing. Lost in a foreign country, a desire for mischief, and a bunch of creepy Eastern Europeans on drugs.
The limited view is amazingly terrifying, and mixed with the chaos of not knowing exactly what is happening pulls you right into the same situation as the actors. Again, terrifying.
The lack of hesitation on the part of the butcher-like figure makes my mouth run dry, and certain orifices clench. He's creepy as hell. He reminds me of the butcher on the original Diablo game the just likes to F.S.U.!
The best b-movie-like aspect of this movie is that the gore starts early, and only escalates. Every time I think "that wasn't necessary...", I just tell myself "ya, but it was awesome!"
A great movie gets you going early, and leaves you wondering why a couple hours later you're as tense as a 12 year old at his first physical.
And how big is this train?! Every scene is in a new car. By the end of the movie the train is going to have to be miles long. And for finding blood on the walls the kids stay rather calm. I'd seriously lose my shit if I found blood on the walls of a train. Not normal!
I decided people get hit in the face too much. And meat hooks are over-used in horror movies. There are a myriad of other sharp, pointy devices that are equally cringe-worthy.
I'm going to go ahead and make my mid-movie prediction that only one person lives to tell the tale.
I usually give a movie a few passes on people being (conveniently) dumb. Nobody ever carries concealed, nobody has the idea to find a good weapon, or run like a sane human being, or call the police, etc. And unfortunately, many movies take advantage of my generous media-consumption habits. A character can only make so many mistakes before I think "Fine! Let 'em die...dumbass". No phones, no weapons, you gave you passport to a hooligan who looked like a fat chimney sweep stranger. The only dumber horror movie cast member was Paris in House of Wax. And that's not setting the bar very high.
The twist at the end is redeeming though! Instead of some maniac slashing teens to feed an unworldly beast, there is an actual plot behind it all! Who would have thought?!
But the formerly-Asian-looking boy with their friend's eyes?! How fast did they do those? The train had only been stopped for a few minutes.
The famous howie scream really topped things off too!
From the very start this movie has a great creepy feel to it; and has solid, acceptable foreshadowing. Lost in a foreign country, a desire for mischief, and a bunch of creepy Eastern Europeans on drugs.
The limited view is amazingly terrifying, and mixed with the chaos of not knowing exactly what is happening pulls you right into the same situation as the actors. Again, terrifying.
The lack of hesitation on the part of the butcher-like figure makes my mouth run dry, and certain orifices clench. He's creepy as hell. He reminds me of the butcher on the original Diablo game the just likes to F.S.U.!
The best b-movie-like aspect of this movie is that the gore starts early, and only escalates. Every time I think "that wasn't necessary...", I just tell myself "ya, but it was awesome!"
A great movie gets you going early, and leaves you wondering why a couple hours later you're as tense as a 12 year old at his first physical.
And how big is this train?! Every scene is in a new car. By the end of the movie the train is going to have to be miles long. And for finding blood on the walls the kids stay rather calm. I'd seriously lose my shit if I found blood on the walls of a train. Not normal!
I decided people get hit in the face too much. And meat hooks are over-used in horror movies. There are a myriad of other sharp, pointy devices that are equally cringe-worthy.
I'm going to go ahead and make my mid-movie prediction that only one person lives to tell the tale.
I usually give a movie a few passes on people being (conveniently) dumb. Nobody ever carries concealed, nobody has the idea to find a good weapon, or run like a sane human being, or call the police, etc. And unfortunately, many movies take advantage of my generous media-consumption habits. A character can only make so many mistakes before I think "Fine! Let 'em die...dumbass". No phones, no weapons, you gave you passport to a hooligan who looked like a fat chimney sweep stranger. The only dumber horror movie cast member was Paris in House of Wax. And that's not setting the bar very high.
The twist at the end is redeeming though! Instead of some maniac slashing teens to feed an unworldly beast, there is an actual plot behind it all! Who would have thought?!
But the formerly-Asian-looking boy with their friend's eyes?! How fast did they do those? The train had only been stopped for a few minutes.
The famous howie scream really topped things off too!
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
A Lonely Place to Die
The Hills Have Eyes + The Blair Witch Project
The premise and story line are catchy right from the get-go. The cheesy-ness of the climbing scenes are somewhat distracting, as is the Liam Neeson doppelganger.
Based on the summary, you already know that the little girl is a ticking time bomb, but the suspense generated by not knowing is intriguing at least.
The in-the-box scene reminds me of Hellraiser and Brake, and plays off the natural claustrophobia in all of us.
The extra parties that fall victim to the "bad guys" are distracting. There are other ways to show the blatant disregard for human life.
The inability for trained hunters with high-powered rifles to hit a girl no more than 100 feet away is a joke. I get that it builds suspense, but at least have it realistic. The one time they actually hit anything after that many rounds is the guy with the decoy that gets them nowhere.
Also, like many other movies in this wonderful realm we call B-Movies, the jump scenes lack sufficient build-up and setup.
"What if we came along and trampled onto a delicate situation?" What if you actually built out the plot instead of explaining it through cheap dialog?
When all the action starts happening, it helps to forget the so-so first half of the movie, until you get to the oddly abrupt ending.
It leaves you wanting more, not because you love it, but because you never got what you thought was coming. Classic B-Movie move.
The premise and story line are catchy right from the get-go. The cheesy-ness of the climbing scenes are somewhat distracting, as is the Liam Neeson doppelganger.
Based on the summary, you already know that the little girl is a ticking time bomb, but the suspense generated by not knowing is intriguing at least.
The in-the-box scene reminds me of Hellraiser and Brake, and plays off the natural claustrophobia in all of us.
The extra parties that fall victim to the "bad guys" are distracting. There are other ways to show the blatant disregard for human life.
The inability for trained hunters with high-powered rifles to hit a girl no more than 100 feet away is a joke. I get that it builds suspense, but at least have it realistic. The one time they actually hit anything after that many rounds is the guy with the decoy that gets them nowhere.
Also, like many other movies in this wonderful realm we call B-Movies, the jump scenes lack sufficient build-up and setup.
"What if we came along and trampled onto a delicate situation?" What if you actually built out the plot instead of explaining it through cheap dialog?
When all the action starts happening, it helps to forget the so-so first half of the movie, until you get to the oddly abrupt ending.
It leaves you wanting more, not because you love it, but because you never got what you thought was coming. Classic B-Movie move.
Monday, March 10, 2014
Dirty Teacher
Easy A + Disturbia
Typical intro. Ominous music as the teacher checks out future victims. Needy students. People in power with bad intentions and Freud problems. This creates a social vacuum for the inevitable to happen.
If the teacher is so hip with technology, why would she not just text her address? The bar napkin number is just over done.
Although I fail to see the logic in cheating, and the fact that it is with a teacher is unethical; the girlfriend is being a major stalker, and she's dumb for staying with her cheating boyfriend.
By halfway through the movie there is a major lack of anything unique.
And just before an hour in, action hits! Quite literally actually when the teacher ran over the boy. It was an "Oh, shit just got real!" moment.
The "jump scenes" lacked structure and buildup. Alternatively, the more the cover-up developed, the more planned out it seemed to be. For $2000 I would totally change a jeep grill. The parts can't be much.
The scariest part of the movie is the bad acting by the teacher.
Typical intro. Ominous music as the teacher checks out future victims. Needy students. People in power with bad intentions and Freud problems. This creates a social vacuum for the inevitable to happen.
If the teacher is so hip with technology, why would she not just text her address? The bar napkin number is just over done.
Although I fail to see the logic in cheating, and the fact that it is with a teacher is unethical; the girlfriend is being a major stalker, and she's dumb for staying with her cheating boyfriend.
By halfway through the movie there is a major lack of anything unique.
And just before an hour in, action hits! Quite literally actually when the teacher ran over the boy. It was an "Oh, shit just got real!" moment.
The "jump scenes" lacked structure and buildup. Alternatively, the more the cover-up developed, the more planned out it seemed to be. For $2000 I would totally change a jeep grill. The parts can't be much.
The scariest part of the movie is the bad acting by the teacher.
Deliver Us From Evil
Exit Through The Giftshop + The Da Vinci Code
Slow start, but intriguing nonetheless once they get into the core of the movie. It is interesting to get an insiders view on topics that just seemed to pass through the news, but was never really personal.
I can see the potential members of the Catholic church might have to think this is negative light on the church as a whole. But like any organization, there are a few who will abuse power.
As disgusting of a topic as it is, it's good that it is being addressed so people know what to look out for, and how to avoid future situations.
The problem that this presents is that without required change, and an easy "absolution" process, offenders will not change their behavior. This is the flaw in this particular ideology.
On the other hand, the documentary as a whole is shot and composed well. The combination of live footage and stills of documents helps to pull all the pieces together. It would have been a lot of work for the person in charge of collection all of this media.
"He picked power and glory over the children." Hundreds of victims?! It's incredible someone has not done anything about the situation. It is simply a cop-out for him to claim that he had any type of mental illness. We see the same pattern in the court system over and over again, and it is just as much of a fallacy in this situation.
The only real case of mental illness is the spiral of silence caused by the indoctrination in the upbringing of these kids.
The letters he sends out is just a late reminder of the terrible things that happened to these kids. The last thing these victims need is to meet with him again.
Finally, the explanation at the end, although is not an excuse, does help to shed light on the psychological reasoning behind this behavior.
It's about time for a feel-good movie after this one.
Slow start, but intriguing nonetheless once they get into the core of the movie. It is interesting to get an insiders view on topics that just seemed to pass through the news, but was never really personal.
I can see the potential members of the Catholic church might have to think this is negative light on the church as a whole. But like any organization, there are a few who will abuse power.
As disgusting of a topic as it is, it's good that it is being addressed so people know what to look out for, and how to avoid future situations.
The problem that this presents is that without required change, and an easy "absolution" process, offenders will not change their behavior. This is the flaw in this particular ideology.
On the other hand, the documentary as a whole is shot and composed well. The combination of live footage and stills of documents helps to pull all the pieces together. It would have been a lot of work for the person in charge of collection all of this media.
"He picked power and glory over the children." Hundreds of victims?! It's incredible someone has not done anything about the situation. It is simply a cop-out for him to claim that he had any type of mental illness. We see the same pattern in the court system over and over again, and it is just as much of a fallacy in this situation.
The only real case of mental illness is the spiral of silence caused by the indoctrination in the upbringing of these kids.
The letters he sends out is just a late reminder of the terrible things that happened to these kids. The last thing these victims need is to meet with him again.
Finally, the explanation at the end, although is not an excuse, does help to shed light on the psychological reasoning behind this behavior.
It's about time for a feel-good movie after this one.
Attack the Block
Alien + Boyz 'N the Hood
The premise of bad things happening to bad people is exactly what we want to see. We love karma. But how dumb can people be? A furry, fanged, devil beast falls from space through a car, and you pick a fight with it?!
Why is it that none of the kids think through the mother dear theory? If there is small aliens, there is bound to be a larger/mother alien close by. However cheesy though, I do enjoy the glowing fang effect.
The onset of gore is rather abrupt, but is a major plus to the B-Movie aspect.
The small, almost overlooked, detail that the main woman is a nurse, and is stuck in "the block" with the injured boy is too much of a coincidence. The one person who should most be against the boys turns out to be the one who has to help them to save herself.
The peephole jump scene got me, I'll admit. Unrealistic as it may be, it got me. The drugs-guns-monsters argument that they were government planted was sly, but very black-agenda sounding.
The intentionally late presentation of the reason behind all the madness was worth the wait. A fresh alternative to all the easy-outs used in other movies.
After 3-4 sittings I finally got through the movie. I was somewhat excited to see it was over.
The premise of bad things happening to bad people is exactly what we want to see. We love karma. But how dumb can people be? A furry, fanged, devil beast falls from space through a car, and you pick a fight with it?!
Why is it that none of the kids think through the mother dear theory? If there is small aliens, there is bound to be a larger/mother alien close by. However cheesy though, I do enjoy the glowing fang effect.
The onset of gore is rather abrupt, but is a major plus to the B-Movie aspect.
The small, almost overlooked, detail that the main woman is a nurse, and is stuck in "the block" with the injured boy is too much of a coincidence. The one person who should most be against the boys turns out to be the one who has to help them to save herself.
The peephole jump scene got me, I'll admit. Unrealistic as it may be, it got me. The drugs-guns-monsters argument that they were government planted was sly, but very black-agenda sounding.
The intentionally late presentation of the reason behind all the madness was worth the wait. A fresh alternative to all the easy-outs used in other movies.
After 3-4 sittings I finally got through the movie. I was somewhat excited to see it was over.
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